Gone
by xxandy23xx
Summary: Ross goes away and Rachel doesn't know how to deal... sumary sux but yeah ... One shot R


A/N: So heres my first one shot.

Disclaimer: I don't own Friends, the song is by Shakira..lol

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_Who would have thought  
That you could hurt me  
The way you've done it?  
So deliberate, so determined_

Rachel walked down the streets of New York, oblivious to her surroundings. She walked into Central Perk and sat down on the couch. "Hey Rach," Chandler was sitting down next to her reading. "Whats wrong?" he asked when he saw her eyes, swollen and red; the results of pain and many hours of crying.

"He left, he said he loved me and still left me." Chandler didn't need to hear a name, he knew who Rachel was talking bout, Ross.

Ross had left New York and moved with Emily to England. It had been a week since he'd left, but everyone missed him. Especially Rachel, she had flown to England on the day of his wedding to tell Ross she loved him, but she didn't. When they came back after Ross had said the wrong name at the altar, she debated whether to tell him she loved him. Finally she did and he said he loved her too. Then Emily came back and said she'd be willing to work on their marriage _**if **_Ross moved to England, well he did.

_And since you have been gone  
I bite my nails for days and hours  
And question my own questions on and on_

"Oh Rach, i'ts all going to be ok." Chandler tried to comfort his friend. Who was now crying on his shoulder, "I just miss him very, very much." She sobbed quietly.

Rachel recomposed herself when she heard the rest of the gang walk into the coffee shop.

"I'm telling you that chick totally winked at me!" Joey exclaimed while sitting down. "She did not wink at you Joe!" Monica replied, while Pheobe sat down looking at her friends. "Hey guys, whats going on?" Chandler asked curious at the conversation. "Oh nothing much just some girl I'm going to go out with." Joey chuckled.

"I'm going to go upstairs you guys," Rachel said getting up and walking out the door.

"She's still crying huh?" Monica asked. "Yeah, she's taking this pretty hard." Chandler replied.

------

Rachel opened the door to her apartment and walked to her room. She took off her clothes and walked over to the bathroom, getting into the bathtub. Rachel sat there just thinking about Ross and Emily. "She doesn't even like him!" she said outloud. '_I can just drown here and make it stop.'_ she thought as she submerged her head in the water. She could no longer hold her breath and came up. Frustrated she got out of the tub and dried herself.

"Why would you go and leave me?" She asked herself, "Why can't I get you out of my head?!" She decided to go out for a walk, maybe a drink.

_So tell me now, tell me now  
Why you're so far away  
When I'm still so close_

Rachel sat on a stool at a nearby bar. She was drinking apple martinis and had a light buzz going on. She was talking to the bartender who happen to be a woman. "I mean who does that!" She sipped her drink. "Yeah honey, he's obviously still in love with you. I don't understand either." the bartender smiled and told her the drinks were on the house. At this Rachel smiled and ordered another.

When she was done drinking for the night Rachel staggered to her apartment. _'Good thing the bar was just down the street!'_ the sober part of Rachel thought. Making it to her apartment building without falling she slowly went up the stairs and knocked on the door. Monica opened it and Rachel walked in. "Wow, you stink honey," Monica said when she smelled her friend.

"Yeah I was at the bar down the block, I didn't want to go too far, like some people." she whispered the last part reffering to Ross.

_You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"  
You said you would love me until you die  
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby  
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"  
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart_

Rachel went to bed after she took yet another shower. Before she dozed off the last image she saw was the day Ross left.

_**Flashback**_

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_**"Rachel can we talk, please?"**__**Ross had told her already about him leaving. "No Ross, you don't get it. I don't want to talk to you!" Rachel stood from the couch and stormed out of the apartment. Ross didn't know what to do, but follow. He caught up to her before she got to the stairs and grabbed her shoulders. "Rachel, I'm really really sorry. I need to make this marriage work." He was about to say something else before she captured his lips in a passionate kiss. **_

****

_**Ross putting his arms around her small torso made the kiss more intense. She in return wrapped her arms around his neck. things were getting heated when Ross's cell phone rang. "Damnit." he said flipping his phone open. "Hello? Oh hey Emily, No yeah I'm all set. yeah. Ok I love you too. Bye." he said hanging up. **_

****

_**Looking over at Rachel he saw her hurt expression. "I have to make this..." **_

****

_**she cut him off, "Don't say it Ross, just get out of my face." as much as it pained her, she walked away. "Rachel, I'm sorry." **_

****

_**End Flashback**_

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Those were the last words that Ross said to Rachel.

I tried so hard to be attentive  
To all you wanted  
Always supportive, always patient  
What did I do wrong?  
I'm wondering for days and hours  
It's clear, it isn't here where you belong

The next morning Rachel woke p the the sound of her phone vibrating. "Who the hell is calling me right now!" she stood up and rubbed her face. "Yeah hello?"

"Rachel?" Her heart stopped at the sound of his voice. "Hi..." she stammered, "What... What are you?" she just couldn't finish. "I don't know why I'm calling if that's what your asking." Ross said on the other side. "I miss you, Rach."

"Please don't..." A silent tear came rolling out of her eye.

"Who are you talking to dear?" Rachel heard Emily's voice in the background. "Huh, Oh no one...,"

_'What did I do to deserve this?'_ Rachel thought to herself as she hung up; not saying good bye to Ross.

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Months had passed and everytime that Rachel saw a monkey or a dinosaur, it always reminded her of Ross. The one man she trully ever loved; Ross, that bastard, how could he do that to her.

Eventually Rachel's heart began to heal. She went out with guys, of course they were just flings, nothing serious. Everything was getting back to normal, the gang avoided Ross's name as much as they could. "I'm just glad she's not crying anymore, thats just not healthy it's bad for her aura." Phoebe said one day when Rachel had a date with some guy named Tag. She seemed happy and that made the whole gang happy.

Anyhow, anyhow  
I wish you both all the best  
I hope you get along

Rachel was in her room getting ready for Tag, listening to what her friends were saying about Ross.

_**'I just hope he's happy with that English whore. I really don't care anymore, I'm happy; I'm going out with Tag, Tag Jones. He's handsome and althought he's a bit younger than me, he makes me happy. Ross of course will always have a little piece of my heart. I hope he's doing fine.'**_

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As Rachel was having her thoughts the phone rang and Chandler answered, "Yellow, Monica and Rachel's place, thing, apartment...?" Chandler flinched when Monica punched him, "Oww, Mon what's your problem..."

"Wow I missed your voice Chandler!" Ross laughed. "Ross!" Chandler said exitedly, "Wow man haven't talked in a while huh?" Everyone was now paying attention to Chandler and the phone. "What's he saying!" they all said simultaneously. When Rachel heard the comotion outside her bedroom, she walked out and found everyone around Chandler and the phone. "Is that..." she started when everyone turned and stared.

"Is that Ross?" she finally said it. "Uhh..." no one said anything they just stared. Rachel walked over to the phone, "Is that Ross?" she asked again taking the phone from Chandler's hands. "Ross?" nobody answered, "Ross is that you?" she once again asked. Shivers ran down her spine when she finally heard it. "Hey Rach." Wow she missed that voice, but that voice brought back painful memories. Memories she tried so hard to forget, and cover up with guys.

Rachel dropped the phone and ran to her room. "Oh god Rach!" Monica ran to her door, but Rachel had already closed and locked it.

But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"  
You said you would love me until you die  
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby  
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"  
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

How had this happened. Just hours ago Rachel had ran into her room and her friends could do nothing. They didn't want to bother her, "She's probably crying again, we should give her some time." Chandler had said to the other friends. When an hour had passed and she still hadn't come out or made a sound they started getting worried. "Rachel?" Monica tried first. She knocked harder untill Joey finally couldn't take it. "That's it I'm knocking this door down." he had said before ramming into Rachel's door.

"Oh my God!"

There laid Rachel, a note and an empty bottle of pills beside her. "No!, how could you Rachel!" all four of them ran into her room. "Chandler call an ambulance!" Chandler was frozen, one of his best friends was dead. She had commited suicide while they were all in the other side of the door. "Chandler!" Monica yelled bringing him back to reality.

When the ambulance go there it was way too late. The paramedics pronounced her dead and rolled her body out of the apartment.

Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey were speachless. Joey grabbed the note from the bed and read it aloud.

_**Dear Everyone,**_

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_** God I'm so sorry for doing this, I just can't stand the thought of Ross so far away. He doesn't love me like I love him. He loves Emily and I have to accept that. Some how writing this makes me feel so much better. At least I hope that it doesn't make you sleep, haha. See I just made a joke. I just wanted to say sorry for everything and that I love you guys so very, very much. Thank you for everything Monica, Chandler I'm sorry I never got your jokes. Phoebe you will never fade out like Kip did. Joey, How you doin? I'm sorry I never went out with you. **_

_**Ross... God Ross, I never stopped loving you, I just stopped letting it show. I really hope you're happy now.**_

_** I love you all, thank you.**_

_** and again Sorry...**_

Monica couldn't stand it anymore, she fell to the floor and started crying. "Why..." Chandler kneeled down and hugged her. "C'mon Mon, lets go get some fresh air." she clung to him never letting go. Joey was crying silent tears while hugging Phoebe who was also crying.

------

"Someone needs to call Ross." Joey finally said one night. He picked up the phone and dialed. Hours later Joey was crying again just like the night they had found Rachel.

Ross showed up for her funeral a week later. Chandler handed him the letter she had written and Ross silently read it. Tears began to roll down his face as he read the last part. He placed a flower on her coffin and said a little prayer. "I love you too Rachel Karen Green." those were the last words Ross ever said to Rachel as her coffin was lowered into the ground.

Ross decided to stay in New York for a while since his sister and friends needed him.

Five friends never forgot the sixth one. Soon they all accepted that Rachel was never comming back.

She forever stayed on their minds, they had shared great memories together and they loved her because of them.

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A/N: so watcha think? yeah she had to die sorry

now R&R please : )


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